It's Only When We Find Things With Bigger Dicks Than Us.

It is rather sad that when we really start our underwater endeavors we are greeted by big ass blue things with GIANT PENISI!.

Well interestingly enough I had a strange discussion about Sperm Whales today with a few blokes who seemed far too anxious to "unload" this information all over me, somehow we did manage to get onto this subject and the first image that came to my mind was an innocent Whale swimming through the ocean then ALL OF THE SUDDEN -NRGGGG- and the Whale just came EVERYWHERE!, now the oddity of this is I'm not at all interested about why the hell this Whale just had a "Dry Dream" in the middle of the ocean, but I was wondering what the hell happens in a female Whale "Just so happens" to swim through this now-new-organism in the ocean, does it become pregnant? insane? I mean seriously WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? (I sincerely hope no one replies "THIS IS SPARTA!" if this happens I will have to question your Intelligence)

Well either way I'm still wondering if Sperm Whale's are the reason that the Ocean is so Salty (Because if everytime I take a gulp of ocean water while drowning I'm pretty sure the last thing I want to think is "Well at least I get to die with some big things sperm plummeting down my throat and preventing me from breathing" {For those who have actually swallowed Cum this is not a cool thing} well I can only hope not)

Well I see the sun dwindling in the very distance from my hole in the ground which has no windows, walls or doors. Just a thick slab of cheese.

This blog has been brought to you via the influence of Pa paver somniferum.

Usted Es Muy Loco

Usted es muy loco I was told the other day by a crazy lady passing me while I was observing the small passing birds peck the food out of some poor child's hand, pondering upon this I figured she said "You have very nice hair" but utterly am aware I was wrong in assuming such foolishness.
Well today was a rather eventful day, we decided to start up Dungeons & Dragons once again in my small pact of a group whilst managing to recruit a new lackey to our ranks (Which as an initiation right to all new "Spankie's" they must be, and shall be called Spankie as well as performing silly mundane tasks we're too damn lazy to do ourselves {Which is the beauty of a "Spankie"} until He or She does something totally Epic and Awesome in which we will initiate a vote to change their name from Spankie to their real name {Also an Urban Dictionary entry is pending, so check soon for "Spankie"})

Well now that we have a new Spankie we can go back to the way things used to be with entertaining Jousting and plenty-o-cock-thrusting. Well I have to start getting my Finances ready to check out some new houses to move into.

P.S: I apologize for this one being a little short.

This blog has been brought to you via the influence of Pa paver somniferum.

IN FUCKING APRIL!

"It's Fucking Snowing... Outside... In Fucking April.... Snowing... Fucking April.... OUTSIDE!, and if I opened the window it would be FUCKING snowing in FUCKING April INSIDE!... IN FUCKING APRIL!... APRIL! That's it, I'm going to kill myself."
Those were my exact words only twenty seconds ago when I first looked at the outside world for the first time in the day (What!, I was sleepy) and now I have realized that Ragnarök has come, DON YOUR ARMOR, WIELD YOU WEAPONS AND FEAR THE MONSTROSITIES OF LOKI'S SOMEWHAT STRANGE VAGINA THING!.
Well in case any of you are wondering it's snowing over here in Canada (Canada for those who do not know is the native lands to the mysterious Canadian {"Canadians are a bunch of friendly, maple syrup eating, hockey zealots with beady eyes and flapping heads." Excerpt taken from Uncyclopedia}) BUT STILL... IT'S FUCKING SNOWING... IN FUCKING APRIL!. The one main thing I can't bloody believe is the shit that we Canadians had to deal with during the winter; Here is how the normal scenario would go
Mooseman #1: Hey what's that in the sky?
Mooseman #2: I don't fuckin' know but it sure isn't snow, Eh?
Mooseman #3: BEER!
Mooseman #1: Fuckin' Eh!, it's winter time
Mooseman #2: Eh, where could the snow be?
Mooseman #4: Maybe a polar Bear ate it
Mooseman #3: FUCKIN' BEER!
Mooseman #1: I know Eh.
(Those who do not understand I shall give a Canadian to English Translation.)
Canadian #1: The Sky seems rather clear today my good sir.
Canadian #2: Yes strange indeed, it is mid-winter time, where ever could the snow be.
Canadian #3: A nice Alcoholic beverage to wet my whistle fine sirs.
Canadian #1: This is quite the strange occurrence indeed.
Canadian #2: Yes, there should be snow.
Canadian #4: Well maybe because of global warming the current was pushed slightly?
Canadian #3: Very fine point indeed my good sir.
Canadian #1: That could possibly be it. Well I must tend to the lawn, good day sirs.

Yes that is indeed our usual Winters, now the strangest thing is that it is SNOWING! (Okay, okay, I've sworn enough) in the middle of April which is absolutely absurd!
Well as I said above and am over-due for now is my own personal death.

Good day, Have fun in your not-as-snowing countries and live long and prosper (Just to include those Trekkie Fans.)

This blog has been brought to you via the influence of Pa paver somniferum.

Come on Baby, Feed the Night.

Come on baby, feed the night.
Come on Simon, feed me.
Loosen if you feel uptight.
Milo, you so crazy.
Would you like a lover's bite?.
Why you always tease me?.
Cause we want to,
Cause we love to,
Cause we need to feed the night.

Cause we need to FEEED the night. Well now that I've got that out of my system I can get onto things more insanely fun such as, Feed, feed the night. Yeah I'm writing this while listening to epic dance music by a band I grew up listening to, well sadly today wasn't spectacularly exciting in anyway... you know the usual, I was hopped up on med's and hung out with my Girlfriend.
The Med's well, let's just say "Loosen if you feel uptight"... okay after effects ARE VARIED!, shesh I really need to go to a night club sometime. Left, right, up, down, forward and this way (If you knew what direction that's where we'd all be) Now for something not so different!. (Now let's see if I can yap on under the Effect of 2 Tranquil Tylenol, 2 Extra Strength Tylenol, and 3-4 Night-time Cold Tablets)

How about that Jay's game? Oi, I really have no idea where to take this from here. THE CAPTAIN TIME! (Musings from The Captain)

Tick, tick, and tock went the clock,
toss’d aside like a cheap rosy cheek’d harlot.

Inquiring the streets
with a lewd taste about my mouth,
stumbling upon that carnal lass in scarlet.
Conjecturing about my pocket watch I asked the lass
“what’s the speculation of our stint Scarlet?”
She candidly divulged to my concupiscence.
Tick, tick, and tock went the clock
groped like a cheap rosy cheek’d harlot
We brushed against each other on the nose of one,
we tussled each other with the passing of two,
we “befriended” each other at the knack of three,
She felt a cold dirk at the tip of four,
I felt the warmth of a bodkin at the sharp of five,
we felt the others breath dance down our necks at the brief six,
I’m pretty sure I loved her at the tick of Seven,
and she loved me at the tock of Eight.

Tick, tick, and tock went the clock,
just like being pinned to the ground by that Rosy Cheek’d Harlot.
(This is property of The Captain, you try to steal it and I shall come hunt you down piloting my Flying-Fucking-Cucumber and kill you with my bare Pinkies, with tiny minotaur horns attached to them).

It's time to Rage-Quit

Okay so today I honestly had no idea what to write about on my daily musing's (Seeing as at least 90% of it was spent in oblivion {The real World, and yes I'm using thoughts inside thoughts to explain a thought...} with some sweet lasses I am quite fond of) until I had instantly thought "Hey I'm 'totally' out of the loop in new game releases" so I go home, load up Gamespot and the first title up blows my mind to pieces (Almost to the most literal effect when I found fragments of brain candy scattered amongst my floor) and saw.... DUHN DUHN DUHHH!!... Doctor-Fucking-Who... the adventure game, no I being an astronomical fan of Doctor Who, past and present, like many fans have reason to despise and hate the new Doctor for breaking his great persona David Tennant and past Doctors had built up... and guess which little kumquat is the main Character? Matthew-Fucking-Smith... yup, it's time to Rage-quit life now, two things I never wanted to be combined are being combined... DOCTOR WHO (WITH A SHITTY DOCTOR) AND VIDEO GAMES! just not gonna work mate.
Well I wish I could've made this entry much more entertaining but I felt my inner nerd had to explode...

Report from Local News: "It was just confirmed, one nerd had committed suicide, a note was left on his corpse which read 'Fuck Matthew Smith, Fuck Doctor Who: The Adventure Games, and so thus, RAGE-QUIT!' we have yet to determine what this means but we are fully aware he has written a blog called 'One Dunce Cap Later' recently".

To prove I'm not just bullshitting here's the link, any Doctor Who fans with the possibility of reading this please join my in Suicide, it'll make the world a better place (Okay not really, but we won't have to deal with this large dosage of FAIL!)

http://www.gamespot.com/pc/adventure/doctorwhotheadventuregames/index.html?tag=result;title;0 (I can't believe this is real, I'll sadly buy it and play it just out of Fanboydom glee in the hopes David Tennant will make an appearance)

The First Cap

Okay so I stumbled upon this site the other day and have fallen down to the absolute boredness I feared would come after finding it, so it shall be my first duty today as is to wear a Dunce Cap whilst writing this for comedic effect.
Alright, well today I envisioned a strange flying cucumber hurtling through the air at about 70-80 mph while dropping strange mini-cucumbers from it blowing up London (A sad sight indeed, I always loved the tea in London. Plus that nice waitress)it was quite an odd dream I must say. Now I'm pretty sure I was meant to write something vaguely important here but the thought of importance just escaped my mind, well I shall move onto something hopefully more important!.

|||| ||||
VVVV Important Things That Way VVVV

Okay so in most seriousness I was quite sick today, sore throat and nauseated the whole bloody nine yards (I wonder why it's nine yards and not, say, six.) so me being the crazy ideaist I am I remembered that Garlic kills most bacteria rather well and used to be used as a natural Herb against colds, so running to my fridge I pulled out a cup (Yes I keep cups there, it keeps them nice and frigid) and some garlic, ground it up (Not the cup) and got some water... INFUSED! the two and it made one hard-knocking kick to my throat, well let me say it did the job damn well.
So after my throat having it's ass handed to it by a Vampire's worst nightmare I decided to go for a nice walk today, along the amazing winding path's of the forest behind my house (I am infact located in the middle of Butt-Fuck-Nowhere, if you where to google it you would find my house) and found a Rabbit, Bunny, angel, babe*, bathing beauty, beauty queen, broad*, bunny, centerfold, chick*, cover girl, cupcake, cutie, cutie-pie, doll*, dollface, dream girl, dreamboat, fox*, glamor girl, good-looking woman, honey*, hot dish, hot number, peach, pin-up, raving beauty, sex bunny, sex kitten, sex pot, tomato (I used all of those words after finding out the word Bunny meant "Attractive Female") having fun scurrying about in the forest, I INSTANTLY! became hungry and went home after only twenty minutes in the forest.
Well that is about it, I shall return the Dunce Cap from where I found it and call it a night, Tschus, Night, Don't let the bed bugs bite.

This blog has been brought to you via the influence of Pa paver somniferum.